The Unspoken Grief That Our Loved Ones Carry

I've been thinking a lot lately about how my MS diagnosis affects my friends and family. And not just in the obvious ways, but the deeper stuff. The emotional weight they carry. The grief they navigate in silence.

I know I'm in a constant state of grief. I feel it every day in different ways. The loss of the version of me that used to exist.

But what I think I fail to recognize is the grief my friends and family are going through as well. Because they're grieving too.

The reality is: it's not easy loving someone with a progressive disease.

Just when they think they've adjusted to a new normal, progression happens. The goalposts move. The person they thought their loved one would be, shifts again. And they have to accept that all over again. I’m sure it’s exhausting and at times heartbreaking.

The person I once was is gone. The cartwheels, the dancing in the rain, the spontaneity version of me has ceased to exist. And my loved ones have had to grieve the version they knew, while simultaneously trying to love and support the current version. That's a lot to ask of someone.

I think about my kids, watching their mom struggle with something they don't fully understand. I think about my husband, navigating the shift from spouse to sometimes caregiver. I think about my friends, learning that the person they used to go out with now needs to sit on the couch and talk instead. They've all had to redefine their relationships with me, and that's not something they signed up for.

What strikes me most is how they've shown up anyway. How they've continued to love me, even as I've changed.

I am so eternally grateful for the people that continue to stay by my side with this disease. The ones who help me walk through it, quite literally and figuratively. They could have walked away. Many people do when things get hard. But they didn't. They chose to stay.

Not everyone has a tribe. I know that. I've seen people struggle without that support system, and my heart aches for them. But I have been sooooo blessed with people who love me fiercely. Who show up. Who grieve with me, even when they're grieving their own loss.

So to my loved ones-  my family, my friends, my tribe, I see you. I see the grief you're carrying. I see the adjustments you're making, the dreams you're releasing, the new normal you're learning to navigate. And I want you to know that your effort, your sacrifice, your love does not go unnoticed.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for loving me when it would have been easier not to. Thank you for accepting this new version of me, even as you mourn the old one.

You are my greatest gift.